Girl with the purple ink: Seriously. You are big enough to be in college. What is with the purple fucking pen? I don't even know what to say here. I spent an hour obsessing about the fact that a person old enough to vote uses purple ink and made some doodles with it in the margins. I'm calling you Lisa Frank from now on, you unicorn fucker.
Syllabus day: Oh my god. Imagine having to sit on a chair made of hedgehogs while wearing a thong, while also having to listen to the screeching of dolphins played at high volume directly into your ear. That is what syllabus day feels like to me. I read it in .05 seconds, gleaning whatever knowledge might occupy my mind for that time, and then have to sit there while it is read aloud and the very clear and concise points are explained to be more clear and concise. It almost kills me every year. I understand why some kids act up in fifth grade. I totally wanted to wipe a booger on the girl in front of me just to see something happen.
Class monopolizer: I can already foresee many blog posts dedicated to you, girl who tells life stories to a lecture hall of strangers, because it is annoying how much you want to talk about yourself. Today you shared your entire personal history, which was inappropriate and not asked for. What was asked for was one major moment in your early growth and development that led you to where you are today. One. Not all the years of your childhood recapped. Your childhood was stupid and that's what made you stupid today. See? Done. Learn from that, oversharer.
New Vitamin Water flavor: Thanks for being delicious. Very refreshing and peachy, and even though I'm not convinced of any benefits whatsoever from drinking you, you tasted nice. Rock on, tasty beverage.
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