Political Analysis

My last two posts have been so pedestrian, so benign, so non-biting that I am about to erupt. I need to release my more usual inner self, the bitchy, swearing one. I like her a lot.

In order to do that I need a topic of interest. And I have one, boy do I ever. There's this woman, I'll call her Axis of Evil, who is the president of a parent organization for one of my kids' activities. She is drunk with power and acting a whole lot like the Mean Girl in high school, with a minion and everything. All of her ire is currently directed at my friend, the Treasurer. I'll call her the Treasurer.

Axis of Evil, you suck. I see you, yes I do, from my position on high in the kitchen above the gym with the large glass windows. I see you scoff and belittle and even snub. And I think, Axis of Evil, that you are too old for that. Your machinations against the Treasurer are not working, mainly because she is nice and honest and you are mean and lying. And your pressing of the flash drive into her husband's arm when he could not refuse as his hands were full, well that was just dirty. Who does shit like that? You, Axis of Evil, that's who.

I do not like your methods. You have decided to "get all up in her shorts", her meaning the Treasurer. What does that mean, anyway? I think you meant you would try to irritate her and make her life miserable, but that was a really stupid way of saying it. You sound like a wedgie or a thong with rough edges. 

I notice that you do not cheer for the Treasurer's son at meets. That is even more juvenile than if you were actually a juvenile, with acne. Do not bring this down to the kids because then you are crossing a line, and when you cross a line then you are on the other side of the line. 

Here is what I wish upon you, Axis of Evil. I wish that you have a large hemorrhoid, one that simultaneously itches and causes great ass pain. I also wish that when you bake cakes they get really dry and hard on the edges while remaining uncooked in the center, because that is the worst cake situation besides outright burning. But even if these things do not come to pass, you will not have that much fun in your life because you are bitchy and mean, and super bossy. People do not like that, Axis of Evil. Consider that a public service announcement, spoken loudly into a bull horn, directly over your ear. And heed it, because you suck right now.