I make porn in my kitchen

I decided to go all Becky-Home-Ecky for Christmas this year and make cinnamon rolls from scratch using the pioneer woman's recipe (thepioneerwoman.com). They looked awesome and easy. They ended up to be awesome, but not easy.  Because I ignored her instructions, went all maverick with the dough, and ended up panicking and unable to remember the smooth moves of the Cinnabon people at the mall.

So when I cast out uninstructed, I had an extremely hard time with the rolling up. I tried some black belt dough-handling skillz, but to no avail. Dough does not respond to awesomeness. I finally got that shit semi-rolled, sliced, and into pans for baking. At this point they looked like Dali's cinnamon rolls. No problem, I thought. Baking will heat those fuckers into uniform concentric-ring-having breakfast wonders. 

Last night I prepared a cinnamon roll to give to a real life blog reader (Hi, reader!). I placed it on a Diego plate, because it was either that or Transformers and I felt like Diego has more Christmas feeling in his heart, and covered it with foil. As the foil conformed to the roll, I noticed that it was weirdly shaped, reminiscent of....well, let's move on.

So then I gave the roll to my real life blog reader. We both looked at it, looked at each other, and pretty much sprained our throats snorting with laughter. Because, internet, that cinnamon roll was baked into a vulva. For real. Even through the aluminum foil....panty, you could see all its folds and nubs. And then when you peel back the foil (pervert!), it glistens with icing and is pretty inviting, if you're into that.  

I'll be making more of these soon.