Sons Of Anarchy

My boys are getting bigger. Which is definitely sad at moments, but they are also increasing in awesomeness and personhood to compensate. They are funny and bright and full of opinions and ideas, sometimes opinions that are so heartbreakingly innocent and hopeful that it is painful to know that they will lose that angelic optimism in fairly short order.

The little one is absolutely one of the most easygoing and truly happy people I've ever known. He lives hard and throws his little self into whatever he is doing. Once in a while something makes him sad or angry, and he puts the same amount of self into that too. He's as sincere as they come. Generous, too; always accepting a gift or serendipitous find with the desire to share it with his big brother. He calls him Ah-yee still, left over from when he was just a tiny tuna and called out for his brother each morning saying "Brother, where are you?.  It came out "Ah-yee, ah-you?" Even cuter is the fact that his big brother calls him the same thing. Anyway, I see him changing from very little boy to just regular boy, but he remains my littlest baby in spite of his giant, gangly, growing self.

The elder son is on the verge of young man-hood. He is getting very independent in his thoughts, though I still see so much desire to be collegially agreeing with me about grown up topics. He is funny, really truly funny. And it is very, very refreshing to be able to share more and deeper topics with him; less censoring of subjects as his grasp of the world increases. I feel like that age of wanting to shield him from all things unpleasant or overly mature is slowly passing, and I actually enjoy and look forward to our discussions of difficult subjects (thank you, mangled fetus poster people, for guiding us into one a little too soon). He is bright and competent in so many areas--school, music, sports, with people. I just stand back and watch him sometimes, kind of amazed at this person. So many times I catch a moment that reminds me that he has a whole rich life outside of just the three of us. It is expanding and I can see how parents want to fight that away, that narrowing window of our influence as their child's world becomes his own. For me, though, I see that the world I designed for him when he was little just no longer fits. He's outgrown it, and he's ready to stretch and reach and grow into this new one that he's building every day. He's got room for me there, though, and it's a privilege to be a part of it.

Sons of anarchy indeed. I guess that makes me anarchy. Fair enough.