Rat Poison

It turns out that one of our original rats, the Christmas rats, is a serial killer. Deadpool has now murdered 3 of his friends and I am wondering if Twoface wasn't his first victim. After Twoface I got Twoface2, who died within a week. Then we got two more rats because Deadpool would be lonely otherwise, and I woke up this morning to find the cage wrapped in yellow tape and Justin and Nicodemus outlined in chalk. Deadpool looked guilty as hell.

The first time a replacement rat died I figured maybe whatever killed Twoface had remained in the cage and killed it too. I was right, as it turns out, but I was thinking more microbial than serial. We have to face facts now though--Deadpool clearly had some fucked up earlier times in life and now is taking out his rat rage on his cagemates.
    
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Oh Holy Shit. I wrote this post a little bit ago but left it until now to finish. Upon closer inspection of the departed rats, it became clear to me that Deadpool is one sinister motherfucker of a rat. Nicodemus' intestines were strewn about the cage and Justin's head was nowhere to be found. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodomg I can't deal with this. Must take deep breaths. I am not disturbed so much by the carnage as by the extreme change in form of the rats. I freak out completely with dead animals that are my pets, because they used to be alive and now they changed into dead, which is the ultimate form change. I lost my shit once when my fish went belly up. And now this is so much worse, because Justin doesn't have a head where he used to have a head. And Nicodemus' intestines are out rather than in. And when I pick them up, even though it will be with tongs not my hands, they will not feel like regular rats but like dead rigor mortis ones. I am hyperventilating now. Must go deal with severe situation before sons witness scene and become serial killers.

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I have dealt with and disposed of the dead and their strewn about parts. No further information on Justin's head. It appears to have disappeared altogether, possibly either stuffed into Nicodemus' eviscerated body or ingested by the evil Deadpool. I am feeling very hostile to that rat bastard and he will be held without trial until his death. I will continue to feed him, but only non-rat items, and care for him as the state cares for prisoners. No luxuries. I will no longer be making him special Rat Casserole (tiny single serving hummus with many veggies stuck in upright). He is dead to me. Cannibal ass rat.