Clinically Insane

Another hiatus. I should just accept that I am becoming a biannual blogger. I'm too stubborn for that, though, so in my mind I'm still cranking posts out regularly. My break is well justified, though, as this semester is clinicals and the amount of work is insane. Projects, exams, papers, and videotaped patient encounters--most weeks it's more than one of these, sometimes even all in one week. What I'm saying is, my house is messy.

As always I have some hate mail for everyone in the world:

Dear Figure Skater Coach in my classes,

Your voice is well-suited to yelling at tiny girls in tutus. I am certain that as they skate by and you shout about how they should have more flow, more fanciness, and more spinniness it travels directly into their ears. I am also certain that they have moments where they would like to remove their sharpened skates and stab the pick part into your carotid artery, forcing jets of blood over their tutus and onto the ice. Figure skaters are not known for violence overall, with the exception of course of Tonya Harding but she hired someone else to do the dirty work which exonerates her from actually hitting people with pipes. However in your case I feel they would make an exception. That is how grating the tone of your voice is. Also you speak up in lecture all the time, often asking questions that I feel should remain in your head.

Aside from all that, though, you seem like you kind of kick ass. I think I like you.

Sincerely,
Your classmate who is probably annoying in her own way.


Dear Clinical Professor,

It is hard for me to figure you out. At times you seem pretty cool. Other times, you seem pretty tense and even rigid. A goal of one of my classmates is to chest bump you by the end of the semester, that is because of the tenseness. Mainly I think you just take your responsibilities very seriously. I respect that. No complaints, I guess.

Sincerely,
Your student who is kind of prickly at times too.

Dear Guy in Nursing School,

Boobs are just boobs. Over the course of your career you will probably see many. Also, important organs that you must place your stethoscope on lie directly under the boobs. It is nice, though, that you are respectful of bosoms.

Sincerely,
A haver of boobs

Dear Physical Exam Professor,

You are earthy. In class you often lift up your shirt or grab your own boob to lift it really high, showing us where one might find certain sounds of percussion or auscultation. It is awkward when you do that. Generally one does not see their teacher's bra or see her grabbing her own boobs. I respect your openness and willingness to flash us in the name of education. Please remember that the units on reproductive systems and rectums are next. It would be best if you find a dummy for that.

Sincerely,
Student in the front row
a.k.a. the puppet for demos