I've always subscribed to the philosphy, "If it's not a right angle, it's a wrong angle." Because things should be lined up, and like when you're lifting weights and the bar is not either at 90° or parallel to the floor's grain or direction of fiber, then it sucks and totally zaps your mojo and just is so wrong.
Tonight in jiu jitsu I decided that there are times when the body's natural imprecise and non-linear tendencies are not only acceptable but preferable to right angles. I arrived at this conclusion when my pinky toe was found sticking out at a right angle to my foot after a sweep attempt that was clearly ineffective and also injurious to my foot, as evidenced by the non-swept partner and extreme pain.
I looked at it and gave it an experimental yank, because I'm all about reducing the dislocation quickly before things have a chance to seize up, but pulling on your own toe from that angle is hard. My rolling partner had a look of mild horror on her face, and the two guys nearest us were grossed out. One said he totally has my back all the time but for bones and shit he's out of there. I tried again unsuccessfully to put it back in place but I really just couldn't pull it that way. So I asked my rolling partner if she could just do it for me, I'd walk her through it, no big deal. She said ok. So she did what I told her to, and it popped back in pretty well. She kind of jumped when it did. I internally snickered, and externally said fuck. Then I went and got some ice because it was really starting to hurt. The foot clash that caused it kind of jacked that whole area.
I have a tournament next week and I just want to know if this is going to be ok or not. Mainly because I'd like to eat more sandwiches if it's not. Also, I'm not going to lie, this toe hurts like a motherfucker. I'm going to put it on my top ten list of most painful things that have happened to my toes. I actually told my kids tonight that I might drop the MF bomb while driving, because as I was getting into the car I tried to put on my shoe, you know, like a slide thing for after sports. I don't know what they're called in English. Anyway, put that on, threw it off, fielded questions from kids about who Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are and why am I yelling their names in the parking lot? I warned them that this was painful enough for me to say some pretty bad swears on the way home, and they reassured me that they've heard worse from that little four-year-old we know.
Then when we got home we distracted me by trying to decide what the rest of Hazel's name is, because our fish is Yamstabber Beyonce McButt and Hazel so far is only Hazel. We thought about it for a while and realized that she is actually Hazel Teriyaki McFizz. All our pets are Irish, it would appear. Anyway, it occupied me for long enough for drugs to kick in and the pain to subside a bit. And now I'm just putting off going to bed because my toe is in a happy place, and as soon as I move that fucker will scream a small silent toe scream of pain. I'm mostly glad right now that my toe is six feet away from my brain because that has to help, since I'm pretty sure that someone shorter would have more pain from their toe just being closer to their somatosensory cortex. It's a theory, anyway. I'm not claiming that I'm at my most scientific right now.
3 comments:
Nice dislocation! Good call on the immediate relocation. Could be fractured (usually little chip off fracture) -- buddy tape and ice are your best friends. I had the same experience once with a little finger.
I'm thinking it might be, my whole foot is blue (not like cyanotic blue, bruise blue), and it just hurts way too much to be only a dislocation. Either way, nothing much to do. Bad timing, though, big event Saturday. I might be able to suck it up, we'll see.
Ouch. Rest up. Can't wait to meet the fish.
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