The Muse

Every now and then I am thrown a bone, parenting-wise, and I realize that what I say actually gets through to the kids. Like today, in line at a drive-through (shut up, it was an emergency), the people in front of us were taking forever. So I may have said something under my breath like get a move on, already. Elder son picked up on my pique and asked if we could insult them. I hesitated for a moment, and he added, "Creatively, Mom. I mean can we insult them creatively?" Well, as long as you do it with some thought and wit, son. And here's the story behind that:

One day about a month or so ago my younger son was in the middle of his near-seven-year-old melancholy (seven-year-olds get this feeling that the world is against them and everything sucks; it passes) and one of the things he was upset about was that his brother had called him gaywad all weekend. I soothed him, sent him on his way, and sent for the little hate-monger.

Me: I hear that you called your brother gaywad all weekend.

Him: Uh, maybe a little.

Me: Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. It's not okay with me for anyone in our family to use the word "gay" as an insult.

Him: I know, Mom.

Me: It seems to me like you need a reminder about it, so we'll go over it again. Calling someone gay as an insult shows that you think gay is something bad, like calling them stupid or wrong or dumb but using gay to mean that. And there's nothing bad or wrong about being gay.

Him: I know, Mom.

Me: How do you think A would feel if he heard you say something like that? He trusts you enough to tell you he has two moms, right?

Him: Mmmhmm.

Me: I think he'd feel pretty bad hearing you call someone gaywad.

Him: (eyes downward, trying to look remorseful)

Me: It would be like someone insulting people by calling them Arabs. You might feel bad about that.

Him: (silent, hopes I'm done)

(Alas, I am not) Me: On another side of it, son, I expect you to be able to come up with better insults than that. With all the things in the world you could call your brother, gaywad is just so not cool. You could have called him butt crust, or wedgie eater, or even poopnose. It's all about the creativity, man.

Him: (snickers, tries to stay remorseful but fails) Or booger picker! Or chicken licker! Or skunk bag!

Me: Right on, son.