If you are sharp and quick on the uptake you'll notice my secret message in the title of the post. If you're not then I just told you and you should be able to figure it out yourself. Of course if you're not a jiu jitsu person then the acronym NAGA will mean nothing to you, so I'll just come out with it: it's a big ass grappling tournament. Today it was in Chicago and it was spectacularly shittily run, inefficient to the point of ridiculous. I dislike inefficiency.
At any rate, the offspring dudes competed and did fine for their first tournament. I did not compete because my toe is a whiny little bitch. In addition to that two fuckers stepped right on it, one being my younger son and the other a grappler. I might be back to square two with the toe. Square one was when it was perpendicular to my foot. Square two is when it feels like a giant toe baby is trying to push its way out.
Some things happened today that made the tournament awesome. One was the presence of this guy who was seriously committed to the rural trailer park look. And I say that with total street cred, having grown up with many rural trailer parkers, often enjoying sleepovers in Circle Pines (singles only, double-wides are more awesome and not in Circle Pines). Woot. Anyway, this guy took the W.B. to a whole new level. It was not just a tank top but a shitty old undershirty tank top, stretched out and kind of ripped along the bottom edge. And he was not just icky but magnificently hairy, triceps and shoulders included. Ketchup stains on the shirt took it to the next level. To confuse the picture he was wearing expensive shoes and carrying a very elaborate camera. It was quite a look all around. I enjoyed it.
The next thing that ruled was a dude walking by with his gi on. Most people have a team patch on the back and his was Team Vaghi. So I giggled quite a lot because the diminutive for Team Vagina is just funny. My teammate asked why I was laughing so much. I told him. He said it was pronounced Voggie, hard g. I told him he was a fun sucking soul vampire. But he redeemed himself in the third awesome thing, which was a guy standing right behind me with some serious moose knuckle, which is the larger, more male cousin of the camel toe. My teammate responded to that appropriately, which was with full on juvenile boy snickers. And then when the guy passed by he quietly said moose knuckle alert, moose knuckle on aisle 9. That was pretty good.
One more thing that was amazing was that another teammate, a heavyweight who is not fat but tall and just built, informed me that he had been tapped out via man boob. He then described how it happened, and included the fact that the guy had his hand around the back of my teammate's head and kind of forced him into a breastfeeding position (the football hold, for those of you in the know), where he then smothered him with his manmary. I've been laughing intermittently to myself all day about that one, except that sometimes it's more of a public laugh than I thought it was. Must work on that, because public small laughs apropos of nothing are not really so great.
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