WWJG?

I was talking to a friend last night about a dilemma involving a potentially awkward non-reciprocal sort of liking situation, whereupon one person seems to like the other and the other does not. I am the other, and really love my friend (not the aforementioned friend, the likes me friend) and do not want to unfriend him, not just on facebook but in life too. Anyway, advice friend (hi!) said that if he's a stand up guy, we will remain friends and he will just carry on. Which is good! That's exactly what I would like to happen.

Through a series of circuitous paths and leaps, my mind went from this situation to stand up guys to personal ethics and morals guiding behavior, and landed upon Jesus. Do not ask how, it is better if you just go with it here. Anyway, I was thinking that Jesus would totally do martial arts, because fitness would benefit the son of god and also because it is kind of a meritorious sport. Two people, showdown, might and logic prevail. I actually think Jesus' martial art of choice would be jiu jitsu, because while strength is key, one also waits patiently for one's opponent to fuck up, and then shows him the error of his ways by smiting him with a flying arm bar. That is positively allegorical, is it not? Picture Jesus, I'm thinking he would be more of a gi grappler for modesty, rolling with a disciple. Let's say Paul here, just because he used to be Saul but was willing to change on the road to Damascus and he should get props for that. So Jesus and Paul, rolling on the mats. Jesus has Paul in his guard, Paul is trying to posture up for all he's worth. He realizes his strength will not hold out, so he goes in for a collar choke, but Jesus is one step ahead. Jesus immobilizes Paul's wrist, flings a leg over his shoulder, and gets the triangle choke before Paul even has time to react, because I'm pretty sure Jesus would be quick. Paul taps out, Jesus gets the submission. Paul is humbled by Jesus' mad grappling skillz. They hug, man style.

It totally works. Jesus was a righteous dude, and why would that not include sports? He had to have outlets, what with all the haters.