Summer's Eve

Our biochem professor is all about the relevant, and tries to make labs seem applicable in the real world. She succeeded mightily today, but maybe not in the way she intended. We were comparing various aspects of bleach. One way to analyze bleach is to confirm the percent composition of active ingredient in it before you then use it to destroy tiny innocent pathogens. One does this by titration. And one ingredient in the titration of bleach is concentrated acetic acid, CH3COOH.

I noticed early on in the experiment that we were actually making douche solution. After I noticed that all the details of the lab came together hilariously to round out the implied douchiness of the day. The red rubber pipette bulbs, the queefy noises of fumbling pipetters, the pungent freshness of the acetic acid (which is actually vinegar), and most excellently, the miswriting of the formula on the bottle of acetic acid. Some chemistry buttnugget, who had probably just mixed a little CaOCl2 with ethanol (leading to a two step reaction forming chloroform--fun!) very helpfully labeled the vinegar with CH3COOCH. Do you see that? COOCH!!!!! Brilliant, it was brilliant.

I'm home now, and still suffering from intermittent bouts of giggles. Every time I see that COOCH in my mind's eye, accompanied by the smell of freshly douched Erlenmeyer flasks, I just fall apart. It was one of those days where all things in the universe converged to make a perfect moment. Of all the places in your life you expect to find douche, it is not chemistry labs unless you're a douche chemist. And even then, I most heartily doubt that the douche chemists would accidentally write COOCH on one of the labels for their douche solutions. And even if they did, the douche chemists would not laugh because they've probably become immune to douche humor since it's their job so ho-hum, douche this, douche that.

It's been a long time, friends. But what screams for haiku more than douche?

Douche nozzle open!
COOCH acid a product, why?
Vaginas melted