My Eyes

I was at the gym the other day, a place where I am spending an inordinate amount of time lately, what with all the international athlete preparations. I'm focusing right now on getting into incredibly awesome shape so I will at least feel justified in being a world champion, and also apparently I've been put in to the actual fight lineup in the under 136 lbs category. Since I am already a non large person that means that come September I will be one skinny, angry person. Angry because of all the delicious food deprivation, skinny because of the same.  I'll look like a six foot lollipop with Medusa hair, it will be awesome for sure.

Anyway, I stopped at the gym to get in a quick workout. Not my usual gym but a different location of the same entity, if that matters. It actually does not. I am clearly having problems focusing on this post, possibly because of the disturbing nature of what is in it. 

Okay, so at the gym. I hopped on the elliptical for a bit, did some weight machine-type stuff, and walked over to the floor area where you can stretch or do crunches or lie there listening to calories burning. I was just about to hit the floor for some major ab work when I saw not two feet in front of me another member already stretching. This member was not in control of his member. Picture it: old guy, boxer shorts, stretching with legs up.  I actually caught on fire and died, while melting and disintegrating. Because of the very long balls that were hanging out of the shorts, breathing the same air that I was no longer able to breathe. There is no way that guy did not know that his balls were out, because his giant long dangling scrotum had to be at least 50% of his total skin surface area and he was right near a fan. Oh god, maybe the balls were even rippling in the wind. 

I have to go now. Must boil self, must scour brain with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser of Long Ball Sightings.