Olympics, But Different

At times I can be competitive as hell. Like for instance in taking tests. Ever since I was a kid I've been the rocket fast test-taker and I consider it a given that I'll be the first one finished. And usually by a long shot. It's because of my lightning fast reading skillz combined with the reflexes of a jungle cat that allow me to blaze through with pencil in hand. Anyway, today I had an A&P exam and I was all kinds of confident about it, but told myself to take my time because there were many potential pitfalls (tons of questions like this: if this increases or decreases, then this other thing will increase or decrease?). With speed can come mistakes, though I do generally have a high degree of accuracy due to the aforementioned test taking traits.

So I was all taking my time, and trying really hard to not feel like it was a race, when this fucker walked past me and turned in his test. I spent the next few questions deflecting my inner fuming, struggling with much might to not become distracted by his audacity and fuckeriness. I actually told myself, "Self, it is not a race. You did not lose. Please continue with test taking, because you are not a fifth grade boy with test competitiveness." I am not proud to report that I then amplified my test velocity by a factor of about 2.5. Like I said, not proud. Toward the end of my pencil flying, brain straining, anatomical and physiological feat of speed, I realized that I was just being a complete turd muffin and came to my senses. Actually a part of that realization may have occurred due to another dude turning in his test, so I was automatically in third at this point and so I felt like it was all over anyway because who wants to be striving for third or worse? And I could totally tell that that second guy was totally not cool at all, probably just has his mom cook him dinner while he studies and sharpens his pencils for the test in the morning so he can be all fast. Also he is probably just fast not smart and maybe even flunked the test or only filled in some of the circles.

So I took my time, actually reviewed my answers which I rarely do just on principle, and very self-righteously turned in my test like fourth or fifth without even caring at all, not even a little. If those other fuckers want to try to be the fastest that's fine with me because they probably get all their answers wrong or their filling in is probably uneven and out of the lines.