It's My Party

So I alluded to the girly bonding of the sports camp in a earlier post. One thing that is so great about women is that we can get really into the talking about feelings shit, and also the journey and process and all that. I like that about us. I also hate that about us, because there are times when I just want to get on with things. Usually when I start feeling like that, though, it's time for me to recognize that maybe, just maybe, I need to look within and process something, or even take a few more steps on my journey. And sometimes my journey involves mocking and ridicule, and that's okay.

We had quite a few discussions at camp. Each day had a specific theme, like what jiu jitsu means to us, or how competition affects us, or wellness, or being a girl in a male-dominated sport. And I really, really wanted to feel sarcastic and mocking, because that's how I roll. Instead I found myself bonding with women who have faced the same struggles in jiu jitsu, and cheering them on if they were not quite as far on their journey as I am. And yes, I just used the word journey without too much sardonic inflection. Some of you may be concerned (and that's okay). We spent a lot of time dissecting jiu jitsu as a metaphor for life, which became funny especially if you add interpretive hand motions, but I found myself getting into the conversation because it's all true for us in a way that not many outside the sport can understand. In spite of my best intentions, I dove right in to the bonding and became one with all the girly jiu jitsu-ness. And I think I speak for all of us when I say what a privilege it was to have that outlet, and to feel less alone in what can be quite a lonely, internal-struggley kind of sport that does not necessarily dovetail awesomely with the female psyche all the time. And it was also just incredible to be among a group of women that probably feel pretty much the same way I do most of the time--that they're not really the most usual kind of woman, and sometimes would rather just roll with a bunch of guys than deal with some of the girlier aspects of life, namely confusing social dramas and expectations.

I emailed my home coach pretty consistently about what was going on with camp, and told him in one epistle that there was lots of hugging and crying and feelings. I said I'm sure he could relate because that's probably what goes on in man jiu jitsu seminars, too, right? He seemed pretty stumped by the whole notion, and you could tell it was one of those moments when guys are just positively flummoxed by the girl thing. Which was funny and satisfying, for sure. And when I read his, "Ummmmm....no, not really.....ha ha", I realized that I really love the girl thing, even with all the dumb shit that comes along with it at times, and that surrounding myself with tough badass chicks with hearts of gold is one of the wisest things I've done in a long, long time.