Cue The Zombies!

I forgot to post about Halloween! Mainly because nothing special happened, and I have no personal attachment to any holidays. I was on call, which was potentially cool (exciting calls, like someone stuffing a jack-o-lantern up their ass or something) but also a bummer (no partaking of the neighborhood's special Adult Hot Cider stops). I did end up getting called out, but for the absolute most non-Halloweeny thing ever--chest pain, in an older woman. Ho hum. The ass-o-lantern would have been so much better.

Anyway, now of course we are dealing with the aftermath of Halloween, the Candy Glut. My policy is to go nuts on the candy right when you finish trick or treating, because what is Halloween if not a yearly opportunity for candy-focused gluttony? And stomach pain? Another policy I have regarding the candy is that I get to have some of it. Now, I'm not much for candy in general, and actually hate most non-chocolate things like skittles and all that shit, with the exception of a nice fresh classic twizzler of course, but Halloween just brings out some love for tiny candy bars.

In order of excellence, twix, reese's pbcs (these would totally be number one if they were the pb eggs we get around the spring equinox, because those have a greater pb/chocolate ratio and are fucking awesome), milky way, three musketeers, take 5 (a new discovery this year--really good in spite of me hating pretzels with the white hot heat of a thousand suns), and kit kats which are so middling that I often just ignore them. Peanut M&Ms are in there, too, but cannot rightly be called a candy bar because they are small individual units of chocolate and peanut not in a bar shape. Way, way down on the list is the snickers, which I do not eat unless I am in a nuclear fallout shelter, and even further on the list, so far as to not actually be on it, is the scourge of the candy bar world. I hate everything about it, from the ugly ass wrapper to the turd-like appearance of the bar. It's the Baby Ruth, of course. The shittiest candy bar ever. I think it should only be used as a television prop for simulating turds floating in swimming pools and on weird unfriendly birthday cakes. Ruth was one fucking ugly baby, I'll tell you that much.

And so passes another Hallowe'en.