There we were, snorkeling. Swimming over coral reefs (reeves?), admiring sea turtles, finding fish. Then we find ourselves in a school of fish, for real, an entire large silvery-flashing school of fish. Which was very cool, and definitely made me feel more out of place than I do even among humans. The fish are as one. Anyway, fish existentialism aside, there was suddenly a vacant non-fish-filled area of the school, probably about 5 feet away from us. At this point my littler dude had crawled up on my back because he was scared the coral would sting him (?) so I was swimming with a little sucker fish/boy lying on top of me. And there in the fishless zone was a six foot barracuda. Looking directly at me with its predator eyes.
I could totally tell what it was thinking, which was, "Hey. Look at that giant carp with legs. And she even has a mini carpetizer on top of her. How nice. I may just go for that." This barracuda did not know I am a black belt, otherwise it would not have been so bold as to see me as food because it would know that I would kick its underwater ass. At any rate, it was unnerving to have this fucker sizing me up, especially since it was not moving at all, not even one finny fin. Which means that it was totally getting ready to do some damage, like eating off my legs while simultaneously swallowing my child whole. I know that non-moving stillness, because all of the times* that I put my foot through a concrete patio brick I had that same complete stillness before I went for it. So it was definitely getting ready for something, and what else do barracudas do besides eat violently? Nothing, that's what.
I'm really feeling it with the animal haiku today. I need to verse this out a little:
Barracuda, no
You may not eat my children
School of fish, right there
You are dead inside
With mean uncaring fish thoughts
Pointy predator
Indifferent fish
You actually look full
That's not as fun, shit head
*two
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