Banana Boat

Not too long ago I was at my kids' end-of-the-school-year concert. It was cute and hilarious, mainly because the total focus and exuberance of the little ones doing hand motions to songs is just awesome. I like that part. The older kids also performed and did a pretty good job except for one thing. They sang that song, I don't know what it's called, but it has Day-O, daylight come and me wanna go home.

I cannot possibly describe how uncomfortable that song makes me feel. I honestly think I must have some horrible repressed childhood memory on par with Clarice Starling's lambs. Because on the surface that song is totally benign but seriously I want to sever my own arm and then use it to rear naked choke myself into unconsciousness every time I hear it. I do not understand what it is about at all, and in addition to that the Day-O part just sucks terribly. When I realized how tense I felt listening to these hardworking and earnest elementary school kids singing it (not too well, crazy ass phrasing and shaky pitch but props anyway), I tried to use calming techniques like thinking of other stuff not related to the song but I could still hear it and that failed. So then I tried to understand the lyrics but I hate the song so much that I only get to the daylight part and then I lose all focus because I am drowning in discomfort. If there were a major prize that involved saying the lyrics of that song past the daylight part I would not win it. I know at some point there are measurements involved, 6 foot, 7 foot something but again that is just the time when I again have to tune out and internally rock back and forth to mitigate the assault of that song.

I recognize that this is not a rational response to a well-known song. In fact is probably qualifies as not only irrational but abnormal and extreme as well. Fuck the haters, I say, I'm not harming anyone because of it even though I would really like to not only kill that song but send it into the terrifying and cold abyss of a black hole, a special one that swirls shitty songs into its vortex of pain and nothingness until the song ceases to exist in past and future as well as the present. Maybe if I understood what the song was about I would feel less hostile about it. Hard to say and also irrelevant. I have limited free time and it will not be spent on that song.