I've taken a short blogging hiatus, mainly because I had to disconnect completely from all obligations after finals to grant my brain a minor respite, and also because nothing funny was happening. With a trip to our zoo the other day, however, all that has changed. First let me say that the small mammal building is my new favorite, usurping the apes and primates building because lately the bonobos have been really boring and also the mandrill was nowhere to be seen.
In the small mammals building there were three major events. One was the black-footed cat, which seriously looks like Puss-in-Boots from the Shrek movies, just a small kitty cat. The zoo docent or whatever she's called was standing right there, though, and we learned all about how it is truly a bad ass, not just a small tuna-eating housepet-looking feline. Apparently that fucker can kill just about anything, like even an antelope, because of its precision biting skills and enormous jaw pressure. This lady was telling us that she would, given the choice, walk into the tiger's cage before she'd go anywhere near that tiny cat. The whole time it was looking at me with cuteness. I actually said to the zoo docent lady, "Get outta town! That little thing?" She looked at me like I was clearly not understanding the gravity of the kitty murderer's viciousness. She said that when they have to go in for any reason, at least two people go in with big poles that have hooks on them so they can puncture the cat if it gets all up in their grill. That is some walking on the edge if you ask me. But how cool is that? I totally thought I knew about all the ass kicking animals, and there's a tiny stealth one right under our noses except it's not really because it
is rare and not local.
The second major event was that I found a new animal to be totally freaked out by. Horses are still completely at the top of the list but these fucking armless rabbits are right up there too. We were looking at the bushbaby exhibit, and the bushbabies were in absentia, but the Springhaas sprang right into view and I about shit my pants. Those fuckers hippity-hopped around like they weren't the scariest things ever except for horses. I admit that I hid behind the other adult that I was with a little bit, maybe peeping out a few times to confirm that those armless rabbits were real and terrifying.
The third thing that was awesome was the family farm area; except for the horses, that is; they were back in their lair barn plotting some apple-stealing plots. Creepy fuckers. Anyway, we went in with the goats to feed them goat pellets because that is fun! for little kids, and I was at the zoo with two little girls so goats it was. We went in to the goat enclosure, and of course the goats know what's up so they came right at us with hopeful looks on their faces. We tried to be socialist with the pellets and make sure that there were some for all rather than all for some. After adjusting to being surrounded by goats I looked around a bit and was struck by how shitty these goats were. They looked moldy, and some had really abnormally short legs (not that I'm judging), and many had incomplete horns or horns that looked like they couldn't make it too far off the skull, or horns that looked like ingrown horns. One had an uneven udder or ballsack, it was hard to tell which, but anyway one side was very distended and hung down while the other side remained up high and firmly attached to the goat belly. It was not a good look, even for a goat. We were seriously on the Island of Misfit Goats. Once I realized that I couldn't stop laughing and looking around for more goat nerdiness. It was pretty awesome. However there was one goat that was clearly the King Of All The Dorky Goats because he had real horns and even one of those long goat beards (ok I just figured out that's where goatee comes from). You could tell he was the coolest because he was full of attitude that said, I am the most awesome goat here. Bring pellets to me. I am a Goat Of Importance.
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